DO PAST LOVERS NEED CLOSURE?

photo credits to theangrytherapist.com

By: Dalisay Diaz

This topic might raise some eyebrows especially to those who recently experienced a break-up. But fear not, I just want to know why some people felt the need of having closure and why some don’t. Yes, I’m talking about relationship closure. Do we really need it or we just want to justify the actions we’ve made when we broke-up with someone we used to love?

Finding closure implies complete acceptance of what has happened and honoring of the transition away from what’s finished to something new. After-all, it means finality; a letting go of what once was. Although some people may not believe or accept that reality, it’s understandable. We need to put ourselves in their position to be able to understand where they’re coming from. It is not a debate. It never was, but the question of needing closure depends entirely to the person who was hurt the most during the transition (break-up) and that is what this article is all about.

I asked some of my Facebook friends to share their thoughts about my question; KAILANGAN BA NG CLOSURE SA DATING MAGKASINTAHAN? (Do past lovers need closure?) Surprisingly, they have a lot to say. Here are some of the answers that I think can help you if you’re caught in this situation:

Miss Erika Ison, Former colleague. “I think closure is essential for people to be able to fully move-on after ending a relationship. It eliminates the hanging questions in your mind –no more what ifs and what could be and all. So, you will end the relationship knowing it really isn’t working for both of you anymore and at the same time; it’s a good learning opportunity. You would understand –maybe not right away or at the moment- what things make a relationship work, what can hurt it so you’ll know what to do with your next one.”

Winky El, Admin of BOL page. “The break-up is a closure in itself… When one says it’s the end of the line, that’s it… Fin… Closed book.”

Dadi Jo, Entrepreneur. “Hindi na siguro kinakailangan pa kung matagal na panahon na ang lumipas. Pero for the sake of respect siguro, mas okay na yung may closure.” “I don’t think it’s necessary if you broke up years ago. But for the sake of respect, it’s okay to have proper closure.”

Michelle San Pedro, Friend. “Nope, if you’ve had enough, might as well close your own f*cking door and glue it shut, then grab that beer and you walk away.”

Iice Andres, FB friend. “I think yes. Para yung mga tanong na di pa nasasagot, masagot na. Just prepare yourself for the truth. Ang hirap kasing magmove-on kung di mo alam kung anong nangyari, bakit bigla na lang siyang nang-iwan, biglang naghanap ng iba, biglang nagloko.” “I think yes. So that your questions be answered. Just prepare yourself for the truth. It’s hard to move-on not knowing what really happened between the two of you, why he/she dumped you, why they looked for another, why they cheated.”

Ms. Beth Cuento, Former high-school teacher. “Yes, para walang regrets kung bakit kayo naghiwalay.” “Yes, so that you have no regrets why you parted ways.”

Ms. Lea Balledo, FB friend. “I think no need. It happened… so be it.”

Dante Boado II, Childhood friend. “Hindi. Time changes. Kapag wala na, wala na talaga.” “No, time changes. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.”

Doc Yammie Santos, Anchor/Host at ABS-CBN. “Yes, everything needs closure to move-on.”

Ms. Jasmine Esperanza, Writer at PHR. “Yes para malinaw on both sides at para mas mabilis ang moving on. No, kung masyadong masakit ang pinagdaanan ng isang relasyon at makakadagdag pa sa sakit ang isa pang pagkikita. Mag-move on ka na lang agad. Or no because you still love the person yet you want to preserve your dignity and you don’t want him/her to see how much you are hurting especially at that moment of breaking up.” “Yes, to make it clear on both sides and the faster you move on. No, if you’re still hurting and chances of seeing that person again is not possible. Move on already. Or no because you still love the person yet you want to preserve your dignity and you don’t want him/her to see how much you are hurting especially at that moment of breaking up.”

Telling somebody you’re through is tough but it’s tougher to give or to receive closure. Sometimes we cannot or we don’t ask for it because of pride even if we badly need it. Believe me, I’ve been there and much as I want to deny it, it was presented to me even if I’m not asking. Fate can be a real pain, but you’ll thank her… in time.

In reality, not everyone is given the opportunity of closure. Yes, it is an opportunity; your chance to move on with a clear mind and conscience. Finding it might bring back feelings of remorse, guilt, betrayal and even love but you have to keep in mind that it’s all in the past. It’s up to you if you want to wallow on it or live for your future. You have all the right to be bitter but what good can it do? While you’re busy weeping (silently), your ex is so happy and blessed. Suck it up. Time flies and heals all wounds. I guess what I’m trying to say is that; closure can only be given to you by you and you don’t need anyone to get it.